Lazy bones

I'm a lazy person by nature. There, I said it, hah! This isn't a trait I like about myself, but it is so true. I like to blame it on the fact I'm an introvert, it's easier to shy away from things when you don't want to be noticed. If only I could in invisible. Sadly though I had the misfortune of being born a six foot tall redhead, getting noticed is not a problem for me. I barely notice people looking at me on a normal daily basis, it's something I just tune out and don't really notice till I am around family, because oddly enough they have more of a problem with it then me. Blurg, I'm rambling, back to my point...usually I can tune out stares, but it's always the times when you feel most uncomfortable in your skin that you really can't tune others out.

For me thats when working out. I want to workout, I really really do, but I get so subconscious about it. I want to start jogging, but then I start thinking about how popular the streets I'll be running on are, if I look crazy when I run, if I run too slow, if I break too often, etc etc etc. It all turns into these weird little head games for me and I find it easier to revert back to my lazy nature and just think about running from the comfort of my bed. Breaking this lazy cycle is the hardest part.

I am proud of myself though, over the past two years I've made a fairly sizeable step towards fit. I have become a hiker! Yeah, I know, it doesn't have a great ring to it, but I'm proud of myself and that's what counts. My parents love, love, love to hike and after a while it just started to rub off. My parents didn't start hiking till I was in high school and it seems like over night they went from trail walks to 9 + hour advanced hikes. I tried to get into it to when I was 17, went out on some pretty simple trails and whined my entire way through them. To say the least I was a brat, but I was 17 so go figure.

I have since learned the error of my bratty ways. Almost every weekend now I am out there with the mama slaving my way up a hill. My dad was unfortunately diagnosed with Parkinson's last year and I miss being able to hike with him as well, but it definitely makes me appreciate the time I have out there even more. Recently I along with my sister and my roommate joined my mom with her hiking group as they ventured up to the Panoramic ridge viewpoint overlooking Lake Garibaldi, just outside of Whistler. It was a 30k hike, the longest hike I've ever done to date, it certainly kicked my ass, but the end result was worth it. Getting to the top of that mountain and being surrounded by snowy mountains as you looked down on a bright blue lake was so worth it. We even got to toboggan down the mountain side on our asses afterwards, my butt has never been so cold, but I've never had so much fun either.

                                     

                                                 

From experiences like this I'm slowly trying to come out of my shell a bit more, just focus on myself and just enjoy working out for what it is. I think getting my body in better shape and with summer coming to a close, our hiking days will rapidly start to dwindle. I'm not a winter person, I live for sunshine, blue skies and never having to wear actual shoes. Anyone got any tips for transferring my workouts from outdoors to indoors without getting too subconscious? 

New beginnings

I love blogs, I love to write, but for some reason me writing a blog has never quite worked out. I've been blogging even before I'd ever even heard the term blog. You can date my live journal back to July 23, 2003 almost 10 years ago now when I was just a young, naive 15 year old girl. I can still remember my first posts, it seemed like a strange new world to me back then. I did experiment with a few websites back before that though, before myspace or youtube it might have been small, but I was part of the vanity of young girls making websites dedicated to themselves. It was silly, and vain, but it taught me a lot about making websites and layouts, if only I was to remember any html now...

Anyways, though my live journal is still up and running the posts have been sparse at best with periods of up to a year between posts. I've used it a lot more over the years to join communities, read fiction and embarrassingly enough write some very silly fan fiction. I still lament the days when Livejournal was king, it probably still is my favourite forum to really connect with strangers till they are no longer strangers, but friends. Alas though, all things do change and here I am on Blogger.

I've started and deleted this journal more times than I can count. I am just not consistent enough, a common problem in my life. It's been a blog for youtube, which didn't last long, a fashion blog and on multiple occasions a personal blog. I find myself now at a bit of a stalemate in life, I am bored, I am dull and I'm running on empty. I'm tired of doing nothing, I'm tired of reading blogs and wanting to join in. No one may read this, or everyone might, either way I need something new and this is it. So hello world I am Vanessa.

Before anything else let me introduce myself. My name is Vanessa, I am 24 years old and I've lived my entire life in Vancouver, British Columbia. I recently graduated from College and am doing nothing with it. I work in retail instead and when I think back to when I was that young, naive 15 year old girl with a blog I never imagined myself stuck here at 24. I am floundering, I know it is something that all young adults go through, but I've come to the realization that I have no idea what my next step will be and at this point shouldn't I at least know?

Now my life isn't all bad, I've actually enjoyed a lot of it along the way. When it comes to goals, outside of my professional life, I am kickass at achieving them. I've pushed myself, I've done things I was scared of, I've broadened my horizons, I'm quite proud of the adult I've become. For the most part.

I've always been good at writing, but I am the worst at writing endings, and maybe that will be another goal of mine that writing this blog might help me finesse along the way. Until then I'm going to use this blog to clear my head, write out my thoughts and help me steer myself in the right direction. I've always been shy, kept my personal business to myself, but in the past few years have just kind of grown a who cares attitude to how others see me. It's the thick skin I should have developed years ago in high school, but it's here now and so is my blog to prove it.

Alright, I think that's enough for one night.

Vanessa